the poem

the poem went something like this...

"they might hold hands~
maybe,
if i brought the moon a little closer, lovers would argue less.
they might hold hands outside
and point to the heavens and say,
"i think god is up to something sweet." '

can't catch my breath.

butterflies.
twinkles.
spinny brain.
slurring words.
a smile that won't stop.
xo.
e.

my heart

somewhere,
deep down in my heart,
in a place that has been
guarded by bitterness,
in a spot that has been
cold and dark and miserable,
in a place that has been shut down
for the sake of "safety",
deep
deep down. . .
something has happened.

there was a spark.

which made it warm,
and made it bright,
and made it dance
with happiness and hope.

it started with a poem.

thank you! xo. e.

thoughts on guilt

why is it?
that i feel guilty?
was i born with this way of thinking?
no. was i raised that way?
definately NOT!
i think i was conditioned, over many years.
conditioned to feel guilty.
guilty for taking time for myself.
guilty for doing something just for me.
guilty for taking an hour to do yoga,
when i "should" be doing laundry.
guilty for spending an afternoon painting in my studio,
when there are dirty dishes in the sink.
guilty for wandering through a thrift store,
when i already have enough stuff.
guilty for spending hours walking around a nursery
looking at plants and flowers,
when i have lots of plants.
guilty for taking an hour long bubble-bath,
when i "should" be filing papers.
guilty for spending an hour with a friend,
talking, laughing, and drinking coffee,
when i should be "more responsible" with my time.
guilty for buying those hot pink boots,
when they are "not practical".
guilty for taking too long at the grocery store,
when i need to "get home & get to work".
guilty for going to the gym,
i should be working.

you know what?
i'm tired of feeling that way.
i'm tired of "should's"!
really, REALLY tired of them.

i ran into an old friend today.

i saw her out of the corner of my eye.
i couldn't believe it was her!!!
when i saw her, my heart exploded!
i haven't seen her since college~
i walked closer
eye to eye
there we were
staring at each other in amazement.
she was beautiful,
gorgeous, glowing, smiling,
heart-pounding, glistening, radiant,
sparkly-eyed...
she took my breath away!

i woke up ANGRY this morning. BEYOND angry.
angry about things. angry about circumstances.
angry about things that are beyond my control.
i felt like i was going to explode.
seriously, my human body going into spontaneous combustion!
i went to the gym.
i did a half hour on the eliptical machine.
i was still angry.
i did another half hour.
angry.
another half hour.
aaaaaaaaah!
then i did every freaking weight machine in the gym.
and then i did them all again.
then i stretched and stretched and stretched.
and then i smiled.
you know that old friend i saw?
the one i haven't seen since college?
i saw her after i finished my 90 minutes on the eliptical machine.
i saw her when i got off the machine,
when i turned around,
when i looked in the mirror.

adios guilt!

xo.
e.

can i just say

that it completely flabbergasts me,
life.
there's shit,
and things that SEEM huge.
things that SEEM like the end of the world,
and so terribly, life or death~
and in an instant,
one fucking split second,
all those stupid,
petty,
pointless things~
those things that you thought meant everything,
suddenly,
get thrown into perspective,
and are instantly meaningless.
all of a sudden,
they don't matter.
not one drop.
not one ounce.
nothing.
they don't matter.
really, they don't.
not in the grand scheme of things.
why?
because there are bigger things.
there are things that mean the world.
things that don't waiver.
things that will always be priority.
things that you just don't mess with.

it's amazing how one action,
one happening,
can INSTANTLY cause everything else to fall away,

those are the things that i am focusing on.
all that matters.
just felt like saying.
i'm done now.
xo.
e.

strength

"you never need to defend yourself
or your desires
to anyone,
as those inner feelings are
spirit speaking to you.
those thoughts are sacred,
so don't ever
let anyone
trample on them"
-wayne dyer

xo.
e.

p.s. the gorgeous drawing is by my litlle lulu :)
(she's 8!)

small things

i love spending time in thrift stores.
i love looking at each & every little thing.
i love asking myself,
"what could i make from this?"
i love finding an old treasure
with a history,
with a past life.

i love bringing my treasures home,
and watching them come to life again.
two of my recent finds~
these happy happy little vintage
red polka-dotted egg cups!
they made me smile the instant i saw them!
and could there be a cuter cookie jar?
my kids were jumping with joy when they saw it!
small things.
big happiness.

xo.
e.

here's a good one!

let's ask ourselves another question!
these are fun, eh?
and,
let's answer it honestly.

ready?

ask yourself this:

"what would i do?
who would i choose to be,
if i could do and be ANYTHING that i want to?

your dream job!
your dream life!
if money wasn't an issue.
if time wasn't an issue.
if you didn't have to worry about letting other people down,
or being called "irresponsible".

think back to when you were little.
what did you ACHE to BE when you grew up?
when the sky was the limit
& your grown up self wasn't there to tell you "that's silly!"

i'll tell you my answer,
then you tell me yours :)

i want to be a full time artist.
i want to teach little butterflies to spread their wings.
i want to help women & girls know that they ARE good enough,
that they ARE worth it,
& help them discover that they are goddesses!
i want my "job" to be:
making the world a better place.
creating beauty.
spreading love, everywhere i go.
making people smile.
living with LOVE in my heart, always.

i'm working on it!
now, share your dreams with me :)
xo.
e.

p.s. when you write it down,
or say it out loud,
it gives your dream POWER.
it gives your dream ~wings~.

honesty. something about water, makes it all come out~

my blog: "my life, my art, and everything in between"

such controversy.
why must i fit into a neat, little package?
why should my blog be JUST about my art?
my art IS a reflection of my life.
my LIFE is a reflection of my ART.

i've tried to make this just about my art,
just pretty pictures . . .
but, i CAN'T.
nor, do i want to.

why should i only say happy things?

i want it to be real.

art, for me, is part of my breath,
part of the blood streaming through my veins.
it is my heart.
it is my expression.
it is how i live.

sometimes it is happiness & pretty pictures.

but then, there are times when it is anything but.

when i started blogging a few years ago, i only showed the "pretty, happy times".
then, in the hard times, i began to feel like a bit of a phony.
phony to myself, and phony for picking only the good pieces of me to share.

who am i, to censor my life & portray this image that is only partly true?

so, i decided, i would share all of me.
why?
to show that i am human,
that my life is far from perfect,
that i make mistakes,
that i get sad,
that i get overwhelmed,
that i am me.
there are many dimensions to me.
many.

"like an onion, donkey! i have layers!"

when i am sad, you will know it.
i don't put on a fake smile
& "pretend" everything is ok, when it's not.
that's not me.
if you ask me, "how are you?"
you'd better really want to know,
because i will tell you.

when i am happy, you will know it!
without a doubt!
my eyes will be sparkling,
i will be grinning from ear to ear,
laughing,
hugging,
kissing,
singing,
dancing...
you will feel my happiness.

different people blog for different reasons.
for me, i blog to express myself.
i suppose,
it's a bit like the journals & letters
i used to write when i was younger.
the difference now, is that i am sharing them.

why?
because, people, for crying out loud~
we are all in this together!
i know, that i find peace in knowing that i am not alone,
that other people have gone through similar things,
and that they have made it out ok.
it makes my heart melt
when i hear from someone who reads my words,
and finds strength in them,
when someone thanks me for being open & honest.
i'm not trying to be a hero, by any means.
i am simply being me,
without censoring,
and if one person can benefit from that,
well,
then,
i'd say it was a pretty good day!
wouldn't you?

honesty.
i strive to be honest.
i strive to be true to myself.
honest,
even when,
& ESPECIALLY when it is the most difficult.

done ranting.
have a fabulous weekend!
xo.
e.

let's get real

complete this sentence:

"if i were brave i would . . . . . . . ."

here's mine:

when I become a brave girl,
i will know in my heart,
without a doubt,
that i AM GOOD ENOUGH!

how do you finish your sentence?

xo.
e.

p.s. now,
start believing that you ARE brave,
and you will make that sentence true.
i love you.

trust

today, i am trying to trust that i am exactly where i am meant to be.

sometimes, it's hard.

xo.
e.

keeping it simple

coffee
patchouli incense
candles
yoga
water
shower
gratitude.

xo.
e.

today

so, here i am today...
doing what needs to be done,
simply because,
it needs to be done.
and

i'm thinking!

i am thinking about choices.
we always have choices,
always.

option A
we can choose to lie,
and cheat,
and play dirty,
hide behind a mask,
and become a despicable human being.

or

we CHOOSE option B
even though it is FAR harder,
we choose to do the right thing.
to tell the truth.
to be honest.
to play fair.
to be who we are,
no matter what,
even when the shit hits the fan,
and the going gets tough,
we stay true to our values,
we stay true to ourselves.

easy choice.
option B for me :)

xo.
e.

p.s. DEADLINE!!!
...and then, I wanted to tell you about the Okanagan Arts Awards!
If you are local, check it out!!!
They are looking for nominations of people who are outstanding in the arts!

www.okanaganartsawards.com the deadline is this sunday!


take the time to nominate someone TODAY!!!
There are so many fabulous art people in our community
who deserve recognition for what they do!

(no, I'm not asking you to nominate me!
But, please, take a few minutes out of your day
& support local artists! THANKS!!!)

shop update!

Romeo & Juliet are now available for sale
in my etsy shop!

so is this dude :)

besides that, i must say . . .
this single life is pretty freaking FUN!
ha ha ha!

xo.
e.

reflections

when i look in the mirror i see
a girl who
is sometimes scared
sometimes terrified
is braver than she ever imagined she could be
always honest
always motivated by her HEART
finds strength in life's lessons
lives for sparkles
FEELS people's hearts when she hugs them
wants to see the good in people
& is learning that some people
just don't have any good in them
lives to LAUGH
LOVES to dance
dances to FEEL ALIVE
lives to LOVE
loves LOVE
carries her heart in her hand
is learning to let go
doesn't want to be bitter
tries not to judge
doesn't want to get hurt
refuses to lock her heart away somewhere for safe keeping
tells her special people that she LOVES THEM
gives her heart freely
jumps without looking
has a crush on kissing
is 'trouble'
is attracted to 'trouble'
(only if his eyes are sparkly :)
is full of piss & vinegar
is overflowing with LOVE, love, LOVE
wants to save the world
can't stand injustices
detests cowardly men
is repulsed by assholes
can't stand fake people
speaks her mind
gets nauseous around people who "pretend"
is sometimes aggressive
sometimes overbearing
who won't apologize for being herself
is blown away by random acts of kindness
loves to smile at strangers
likes to make people laugh
loves to inspire little butterflies
craves affection
melts over words
turned into silly putty by THAT smile
still thinks about him
wonders "what if"
loves beyond her wildest imagination
lives to LOVE
LOVES to love.
i see a girl
crazy
head-over-heals
madly
passionately
sensually
in LOVE
with
~LOVE~

xo.
e.

it's a new year! what's in your mirror???

Adios muchacho! Heading to Mexico :)

all you need is LOVE!

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do
that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing
that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say
but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make
that can't be made.
No one you can save
that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do
but you can learn how to
be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know
that isn't known.
Nothing you can see
that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be
that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

hope you are eating up
EVERY delicious moment of the holidays
with the people who
make the butterflies in your stomach swim madly!

i am.

~peace&LOVE~
xoxo.
e.

frida LOVE

while i sat in court for 2 hours today,
i found my pen on my paper,
doodling . . .

and then,
there's this:

"PEACE.
It does not mean
to be in a place where there is no noise,
trouble,
or hard work.
It means
to be in the midst of those things
& still be
calm in your HEART."

I love you!
xoxo.
e.

all i want for christmas

"Clara as Rudolph"
made by Clara, about 5 years ago :)
isn't it THE CUTEST picture EVER?!

Christmas lists.
What do my kids want for Christmas?
Letters to Santa.
My little Lucy,
who is 8,
asked SAnta for:
-rainbow earrings
-rainbow underwear
-a real photograph of Santa & Rudolph
&
for her mom & dad to get along.

doesn't seem so improbable,
does it?

doesn't seem like too much to ask,
does it?

you'd think not.

i hope Santa pulls through!

merry ho ho!
xo.
e.

sunday morning love story

so,
Once upon a time
there was a beautiful, passionate, extraordinary girl.
this girl was in love with life.
she was in love with color, and texture, and smells.
the girl was in love with music and sparkles and hugging.
she was in love with kissing and chocolate and funny movies.
the girl was in love with LOVE.

the girl had beed jaded.
she had been bitter.
the girl had been given
countless reasons to give up on love.
she had been
yelled at & cheated on,
lied to & attacked,
used & manipulated,
played,
stood up & smacked down,
and given a black eye,
by the one who
"loved her more than anything".

the girl had been told,
over and over and over,
that she was:
no good,
she would NEVER be good enough,
she was too sensitive and emotional,
selfish, impractical and irresponsible,
not worthy and needed to change,
unrealistic and had no common sense,
she was told that she was mentally ill,
and that she was the cause of his anger,
she made him do it,
she was the root of all the problems.

so, you see,
this sparkly little girl
had every fucking right to be jaded,
wouldn't you agree?
doesn't matter if you agree or not,
she did.

anyway . . .
back to the story.

so, she had just about given up on the idea that men
could possibly be anything but complete dirt-bags~
(don't get me wrong, she still thinks that! . . .
but now she has the SLIGHTEST glimmer of hope :)

it seemed like, she was getting daily reminders from the male species,
"hey! don't forget! we're all butt-heads!"

when, a little, fluffy, wonderful, warm & fuzzy thing happened~

she stumbled upon . . .

prince charming?

probably not.

but, just the idea, that men like this, exist~
that they are not all neanderthals who think with their dicks~
quite refreshing!!!

the words he wrote, swept the sparkly girl off her feet.

he admired her.
he felt her pain, because he had been there before.
he wrote about her experience in a way that made her jaw drop,
with such passion and understanding.
she flattered & truly inspired him.

he melted her with these words,

"I hope you don't mind
if I keep yours in the back pocket
of my favorite jeans just for myself."

seriously.
who says shit like that?
completely, melted.
and the butterflies!
are you kidding me?!?!

he said to the girl,
"you are brave."
and he meant it.

he was ~in love~
with her art,
all of it.
he loved her Frida painting.
just the fact that he KNEW Frida, floored her!
what "MAN" knows who Frida is???
certainly NOT the Neanderthal-driven-by-their-penis-boys!
nope.
he was completely different.
he spoke of Frida with tenderness~
"I love her story so much."

he admired the way her daughter wrote about her.

he called it magic.

...and THEN,
he told her
how she reminded him of a girl
from a million years ago.
he described what she looked like,
how they stayed up all night talking & kissing,
kissing like two teenagers
who knew they would never see each other again.
and how,
when when the morning came
she turned into a pumpkin.

melted yet?
i am.
completely.

cinderella?

coincidence?

don't know.

i am completely head-over-heals-smitten with his words.

not in love with a man, but the words.

and filled with the hope that they're not all the same.

thank you, new friend!

you have flustered me,

melted me,

made my jaw drop,

re-filled my sparkle tank,

& filled me with hope.

xo.
e.

groceries & life

my little Lucy made me a grocery list a few days ago.
i just looked at it.
Roxy is our highly spaztic chocolate lab.
thanks, Lu, for making me smile today!
i LOVE you.

xo.
e.